What is PACE.

PACE is an approach developed by Dr Dan Hughes, an American psychologist who works with traumatised children.

Please don’t be alarmed we are not going to be talking about traumatised children or even yourself as an adult being traumatised.


PACE stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy.

these are the four areas that we are going to look at today.  I want to explore how you can use this in your every day life when faced with somebody who is being negative and have a negative attitude.

how often do you feel that your needs are not being met by the people in your life. By using PACE you can gain the best positive outcome in any relationships.


By being playful together it helps a bond between two people, it’s about having fun with the person you want to have a positive relationship with, it shows it’s okay to have fun. Playfulness can allow us all to feel safe, allows to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.


Been accepting of another person shows an understanding of the behaviour and accept it even if the behaviour is bad. You are showing that Person you are not judging them, however sometimes you need to discuss the consequences of the behaviour. When discussing the consequences this should not be done in a humiliating or charming way.



By being a curious person it will help gather an understanding of that persons behaviour, which in turn will help the acceptance. Having a good knowledge of the persons history allows you to accept and understand why they behave the way they do. Ask questions, not leading questions, let that person divulge any information at their own pace.


Being empathic will allow the person to feel safe and share deeper feelings without being judged.

Real empathy comes from the heart and can be used to relieve feelings. By being empathic it will allow the person to feel safe and share deeper feelings without being judged. Examples that can be used could be “that must’ve been really hard for you to experience what you’ve experienced, thank you for sharing that with me” it is about trying to reflect how that person is feeling.

Sometimes  it’s hard to do PACE with people being negative especially when they are putting up barriers against finding a solution, by using the four above headlines you may be able to find out why that person is feeling like they are.

this way of working can be used in your work life and also in your personal life.