If someone fears rejection they may feel anxious in social settings. That person may not want to feel anxious and may avoid the situation. Possibly they may not accept invite to parties, therefore staying at home. Occasionally they may attend some function but then feel even more anxious than previous, causing more isolation and rejection, the thing they feared most; Vicious cycle.

An alternative could be the use of a substance, ie, alcohol. The drink may help in a social setting. however after the social setting there may be problems with feeling tired, hungover, what things did i do or say?, also, how much did i spend?

You can see how both of the coping styles can hide the anxiety and get rid of the unpleasant feelings in the short term, but not long term.

There are two categories that we can rule by with any problems that we have fight or flight.

When in flight mode you may hide,use distraction,or zone out.

When in fight mode you may use suppression, arguing, take charge or self bulling.

To use the oping methods are fine as long as they are used in moderation or used because they work and using them is ok as long as it does not stop you from doing things you value. This is all called using control.

The happiness we feel is built through coping strategies but unfortunately it can come at a price. one thing it can take up a lot of your time and energy. We may feel silly or weak as the thoughts and feelings (in this case, anxiety) comes back. Many of the strategies that lower the feeling short term can lower the quality of life long term.

To help for natural happiness, try to be more self aware , notice the little things that you do each day to get rid of any of the unpleasant feelings, keep a journal or spend a few moments on reflecting. The faster that you recognise when you are stuck in a trap, the faster you can move away from it.

We will explore in future blogs on how to take away the negative power.